How I Remember

How I remember when I used to update this ‘ol blog regularly. I was talking to a co-worker and we were discussing our houses and what we like and don’t like about them when I remember that I had an old blog post where I had posted a picture of the house. So I looked it up then I started scrolling through some of the old posts, some of them I totally forgot happened and some made me smile and giggle a bit. Oh the good ‘ol days.

I want to blog a lot more, I really do. I want everyone to see how fast Isabella is growing and developing. But I know that staying off of the computer while at home is beneficial to me as a husband and a father. I know it doesn’t take too long to type up a post, load pictures, and publish it…but I am a undisciplined man who can’t get online to do just that. I will start reading other news headlines and go to my google reader and just spend so much more time than what it takes to just blog. So if that’s a hindrance to me a little bit…I try to stay away from it as a whole. So there is my explanation in a nutshell. It frees me up to spend that quality time with my daughter and wife. The two things that I should invest my time in, aside from my spiritual feedings, of course. My iPhone is also kind of a distraction since I can do everything on the friggin’ thing…but I try to be good about that too. Not only have the blog posts slowed down but so have most of my activity on FB and Twitter, which are easily accessible via the iPhone apps.

So just here to inform you all that I am not signing off or quitting this site and I do want to post more frequently about Isabella, after all she is our little celebrity. Everywhere we go, she is a hit. But I also don’t expect any less from my own offspring ; )

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise

During our Christmas trip to Texas Amy pulled out the Macbook to show her mom some pictures of Isabella late one night and it would not boot-up. It would boot-up to the gray screen with the apple logo but the revolving circle would just keep revolving with nothing else ever happening. I logged onto some apple forums to see if I could remedy the issue myself...but no luck after trying quite a few things.

After we got back home I booted up from the OS X start up DVD and still I could not get the computer to work with me. So I figured I should try reinstalling the OS and it should fix the issue and as I started the process I accidentally selected 'Erase and Install' instead of 'Archive and Install.' Yes, that 'Erase' meant erasing my hard drive. All of the photos, music, and tons of other misc. files and programs gone...without me ever getting the chance to back it all up. On top of that the install failed, but only after it had already erased everything.

After two trips to the Apple's Genius Bar the macbook is up and running but with a blank hard drive. I was able to find a program to transfer the music from my iPod classic (which wasn't all of it but 27 gigs of most of what we listened to anyway) and the pictures I had saved on my iPod. Luckily, Isabella's pictures from the hospital and her birth were taken with my iPhone and I had never erased them from my phone. So we still have pictures that were on our iPhones and the SD card from the camera and all the photos from our sites like Facebook and Flickr that i will transfer over. One of the trips to the Apple store included me buying a backup hard drive with 1TB of space...oh yes.

With our Christmas money we ended up buying a Canon digital SLR Rebel XTi from a very nice woman off of Craigslist. We got a great bargain and immediately took a few photos with the 2 lens included in everything we purchased. We really like the 50MM lens we got...here is a preview of what it can do.

The reason for this purchase was for the baby. And here is one of the best pictures that I took so far of Isabella. Enjoy.

Settlers of Catan

I just played this game on Tuesday and have had a fever to play again.
Last night we went to dinner with friends then we went and bought the
game to play. It is a lot of fun and even Isabella played. She played
good luck charm to Adam and Julie.

Here she is trying to decide to build a road or upgrade to a city.

The Way Life Is Supposed...

Last time I had written out a significant blog post was the day after Isabella was born.
Tomorrow my little girl will be 3 months old.

I had not really let people in on what had been happening the few weeks leading up to her unexpected birth.

Through me getting laid off in August we did not know what to expect to happen with a baby on the way. I had blogged already about how I was humbled by our mighty God and how He kept us looking toward Him alone. I just wanted to list a few things that happened from our perspective...

-The week after I was laid off our newer of the 2 cars had the "Check Engine Light" come on and was acting very squirrely. We had to take it in and we expected the worst. Christian Brother's Automotive looked at it and stated to us that the main computer in the car was bad. Never a good sign. However they went out of their way and researched the issue on our behalf and found out that it is a common problem with our year model and there was an extended warranty for the car and that if we took it to a Toyota dealership it shouldn't cost us anything. We took it to a dealership and a few hours later we had a new computer in the car at no charge! Amazing...we were thrilled!

-My lawn mower busted a huge oil leak right in the middle of me cutting the yard. My neighbor Andy saw it smoking and let me use his machine to cut the rest of my lawn. My other friend and neighbor Brian let me know use his lawn mower on another occasion to cut the yard. But then my neighbor from across the street had an extra mower and let me use it until we our grass went dormant. So I was able to not have to spend money to repair or have to buy a new machine...yet. I have until Spring now.

-We had a few baby showers where people showed us that we were not alone with our baby coming. We still have quite a bit of money in gift cards to last us a while longer which will help. We are so thankful and blessed to have great friends and family.

-When we thought we were going to have to pay huge amounts for insurance with COBRA, President Obama set out a legislation to make COBRA cheaper for qualified families. We qualified and were able to not have to spend so much money on that health care expense.

-Speaking of health care, this was a huge way God showed us He's watching over us, we were on an HDHP and our renewal year ended in Oct. We were about $100 away from meeting our deductible and after that everything was covered 100%. If the baby had been born on her actual due date our deductible would have started from scratch on November 1st.
She was born on Oct. 19th and we did not see one hospital bill for the delivery.
That is the one thing that we cannot fathom...Isabella was born 6 weeks early with no complications and she left the hospital with us within the 48 hours.

-I was still just working a temp job during her birth and I did not tell anyone there that I was expecting a baby. So when I told them the morning of Oct. 19th that I had to go because my wife was going into labor...they were shocked that I had not mentioned it to anyone. But I figured that I didn't know anyone there very well and that I didn't know how long I would be around or they would keep me around. They let me have 2 days off and when I got back they had all pitched in for a huge gift basket. I was almost in tears...until someone in back said "You better no cry Isaac!" So I laughed it off and thanked them over and over.

-I was given an opportunity for another interview for a company I had applied for. The interview was on Oct. 30th and my parents had been here all week with us and the baby. At this point I was not expecting anything from this interview. Ever since Isabella had been born I had been at peace with where God had me and knew that I could not do anything to my liking because He had total control. So I was not nervous and just went about it calmly. I remember my mom telling me not to be nervous that morning and I honestly just felt like nothing special was going on. My interview lasted almost an hour when she said I was a definite call-back for a second interview and if I had the time...we could start it then. All went well and I was told I'd hear something middle to end of the following week. The next Tuesday at lunch, Amy's dad and our step-mom had just gotten here and they picked me up for lunch, I received an email with an offer letter! It was a huge blessing.
As soon as I gave up trying to be in control. God let us know everything would be fine. Amazing.


It was a crazy time for us. One that we will never forget. Amy and I matured a lot through all of this and we believe it was something we needed before we had Isabella join us.

Also a reason we have not updated much...the urge to always be online or messing with electronics has been subdued through all of this. Our parent's are not too pleased because they do not get a lot of picture updates from Isabella. But I also want to utilize my time on family time and hobbies that do not require the use of a computer. (even though geo-caching is using a GPS and logging everything online) I have been playing the guitar a lot more and Isabella loves it when I play and sing to her.

This is a long post but I hope that I got the point across that we are changed people. I am a changed man and even though what I went through was not pleasant it has turned me into a better man, husband, and father. I hope I never lose this humility and hope that has been re-lit in me recently.

The Smiles

Isabella has been smiling all the time now. Last night she was starting to throw a fit because she was hungry and then Amy picked her up and held up up high and we captured this little gem. Then she remembered she was hungry again and immediately put on a grump face to let us know she was still hungry.
Gotta love the drama. Ironically the bib she was wearing yesterday is one my mom gave us that says "Reina del Drama" which translates to "Drama Queen." It's only just begun.

Baby Doll

It has been a wild Monday morning and that might be putting it lightly.

I woke up this morning to get ready for work and as I was getting dressed I asked Amy if she had gotten enough rest. She said she had but in the middle of the night she got up to go to the bathroom to go number 1 and she felt wetness between her legs then as she was on the toilet she was going but didn't feel like she had control over her bladder. So she finished and went to bed and was fine. She told me this and was doing fine in bed so I finished getting dressed, made my lunch, and headed out the door to work.

At 7:20am, Amy called me in tears saying she thought she needed to go to see the doctor because she was having strong contractions. I asked if she called the doctor yet and if she wanted to call our friend Amy to take her since I was 40 min away at work. Our friend Amy came to get Amy and I would be called if I needed to go the hospital, as it was a lot closer to my location than our home.

I got a call from our friend Amy saying I needed to get to the hospital right away that the baby might be coming. The baby might be coming today? The due date is November 28th and this is over a month early!
I grabbed my stuff and got to the hospital as soon as traffic would allow me, I get up to the 2nd floor, find room 223, reach for the door handle, and the door opens and a nurse says "you're right on time" as she turns and another nurse turns with our baby girl in her arms. Did this just happen? That just happened.

From Amy's perspective...They get to the hospital and they check her into an examination room to make sure she does not have a kidney or urinary infection that might be triggering the contractions. They tell her to get up and get a urine sample and Amy stands up and says "I think the baby is coming." They lay her on the bed in the room, take off her bottoms, and the nurses start moving forward because they can see the top of the baby's head! They get started fast and by the time Amy has her next 4 contractions the baby is out and I am walking into the room. It happened crazy fast...for the both of us!

Isabella Sage Llanes was 34 weeks and 2 days. Over a month early from her original due date. Weighed in at 4 pounds and 8 ounces. Measured at about 17 inches long.
Miraculously enough she is fully developed and they did not need to hook her up to any machines to help her do anything full term babies should do on their own. She was breathing fine, she was holding her temperature fine, and she was keeping her pink color.

All glory to God for Amy and Isabella to be doing so well.
This is purely a miracle.

Uncertainty

It has been a long time since I have posted anything. Those of you close to me know why I have not posted and the rest of you are about to find out why this is...

My last entry may have given you a clue that we were starting a rough time of uncertainty. And indeed it has been. On August 3rd, it was a Monday and the first day of the month, I went into work ready to start off the new month when my grand-boss asked me to come see her. I still remember every detail of that morning as I was told my position with the company had been cut. I had been laid-off and was a new number to the unemployment percentage.

I was told it had nothing to do with my performance...but it was still hard to not think of myself as a failure. And that feeling still lingers around me to this day fading in and out...and mainly because I want to be able to provide for my wife and my very soon to be daughter.

I started right away updating my resume and starting to try to network. Right off the bat I had meetings with recruiters and in 2 days I already had an interview lined up. Things were looking good. Until they called me to tell me that they went with someone else. Then came another interview but it only had the same result. Then a 3rd interview, a really good 3rd interview, that followed up by them requesting a 2nd interview with me.
In the mean time Amy was still planning on going to Texas to visit family and attend the baby showers that our parents had already planned. I was planning on waiting to hear about this job and probably not going to go to Texas with her. Until I got the phone call that, again, they went with someone else.

Because of all of this I was so angry at God for not preparing me for this and for letting this happen to me. I sounded like a Pharisee of the NT going over my list of things that I have done evidencing that I did not deserve this. It wasn't long until my anger and hurt turned to brokenness and I had nothing left to give. But now I had the opportunity to go to Texas with Amy and focus on our baby. Our baby daughter has been completely overshadowed by this situation. We had not been able to be joyful and enjoy our time of preparation at all. So I made a vow to make this road trip to Texas a good one and focus on the positives and our Isabella.

Our time in Texas was exactly what I needed. It was a time to re-focus, a time to spend with family, and a time to get to know the Lord on a level I had not reached up to that point. I was able to come back home with a new mindset and refreshed ready to hit the ground running. It was only a matter of 3 days and I had two interviews lined up, one which went really well and I felt really good about. By the end of that week I had found out that they had not selected me for either of those jobs. It was very discouraging and I was headed back to the emotional state I was in before we left for Texas.

While we were in Texas we listened to the sermon on the mount from the book of Matthew and it had really encouraged me. So I had to remind myself that the birds and the flowers are taken care and that God would take care of us too. I then soon started to realize that God had been blessing us in ways I was not seeing. We started counting our blessings and realizing that we were not worthy. For the last few weeks I have been seeing the smallness that I am compared to who God is. Sure, I have had to be broken and humbled, but if through all of this I am being made into a better Christian, a better husband, a better friend, a better son, and a better father...then it has all been worth it.

Is this time of uncertainty over and the reason I write now? No.
I needed to write all of this out to share what we have experienced. We have experienced so much in these past 2 months that it has felt like a life time. As I mentioned that in my anger I was like a pharisee going over my list of things that I have done for God...now I look back and think of how much pride was in my heart. Pride that I did not know was there until I heard, read, and meditated on scripture that my righteous acts are but but filthy rags onto God. They mean nothing, because there's nothing that we can do to earn anything from God. So it has been a very humbling time for me, all the while, scripture and God's promises are all that we have to hold on too. I've seen now that certain scriptures means so much more when it's all you have to hold on to when nothing else is certain in this world. My faith has been tested in ways I never thought it would be.

On Monday two weeks ago I woke up with nothing lined up, no job leads, no interviews, and only some hope to hang on too. I got up and read some scripture and meditated upon it and as I was getting ready to pray I was reminded of God saying in scripture to ask for what you need in prayer and it will be given, knock and the door will be opened. So I fervently prayed for something to happen that morning...whether it be a phone call for an interview or some job lead. Little did I know that Amy was praying this exact thing on her commute into work that morning. At 12:30 that afternoon I received a phone call from an agency to come in and fill out some background check papers and asked me to get there ASAP. I was there within an hour and by 2PM I was asked if I wanted to go work a temp job tomorrow, that Tuesday! It was incredible how we prayed for something that morning and God delivered in a way that we still cannot fathom. It is not my ideal job and it doesn't pay near as much as what we need long term...but it was an answer to prayer and gave us some more hope to hold on to...and this what we needed and prayed for.

God has given us so much already and even though we know He will take care of us and our baby girl...this time of uncertainty is still very scary for the both of us. Through all this we have seen in so many ways how we are loved by God, our family, and our friends. What I have learned from God, myself, and my wife in this period is something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget this season in my life.

(I'll try to keep everyone updated on everything a little better from here on out)